My Final Days in Delhi and My Return Home

Since I last published, I returned to Delhi and then returned to New York. As I was preparing to leave, I was thinking about what my final impressions of India were. Interestingly having been there for three months, I had to really focus on what about Delhi I had found shocking upon arrival. I’ve been home for a few days (weeks by the time I’m publishing) now and more things are turning my head in NY than in my return to Delhi.

Upon arrival in NY, my first impression was that the streets looked clean enough to eat on, they seems quiet and calm, and the traffic orderly, even in rush hour. At the same time, while in many ways I was re-entering modernity, NY was grey compared to the rainbow of the India streets and coming back in February, I still feel like I walked from color TV into the black and white film era.

As you’d expect, wrapping up a big trip, the last few days were crazy busy, getting to see new friends and having to say goodbye, seeing a few final sights in Delhi I’d missed and picking up a some final souvenirs. I stopped by the school to see the girls and boys I’d been teaching and (as anyone who knows me would expect) was fighting back tears when they said they thought I should move to Delhi. I also stopped by the Cross Cultural Solutions office for a meal and a recap of my travels. Finally, although I was short on time, I was invited to one of the teachers’ houses for dinner and couldn’t pass up the opportunity. Then on my last full day in Delhi, I was given a ticket to the Republic Day Parade (see separate post).

In no particular order, I wanted to talk about a few general observations from my trip. Some are serious and some are silly things that I realized I take for granted.

As I noted above, the streets in NY are incredibly clean compared to India. India is incredibly beautiful, but undeniably dirty. There is no street cleaning so everything is very dusty and littered, and there are very few garbage cans. Every night when I came home, I couldn’t wait to clean my face and I’d literally see the dirt coming off. The streets are chaotic with vehicles and people and animals all going at different paces in different directions. Very few streets have lines down the center and there are “highways” without dividers. Most areas don’t have sidewalks, so people walk in the street. Red lights, where they exist, are ‘optional’, especially after dark most don’t even stop before crossing, as long as you beep as you approach. Finally – you really have to beware of the cows.

Food

The food was excellent, although frequently was spicy enough to lead to a runny nose or tears. I became proficient at eating with my hands and frequently thought how hard my father worked when I was younger to avoid this skill. (There really is a skill and style involved in eating a rice-based dish with your fingers.) I took cooking classes for a few days in the south and although I’ve been slightly discouraged because I haven’t been able to find some basic ingredients, eventually I’ll try some Indian dishes here. The food, while it includes some ingredients like coconut oil which we would consider a bad oil, is relatively healthy because so little of it includes any ingredients that are processed and few things are preserved to be imported from far distances or while out of season. It’s a very natural way to eat.

Conservationism and Environmentalism

Another observation that I’ve been thinking about a lot since I returned is that environmentalism and conservationism are two completely different concepts, and at least in India are not typically shared by the same individuals, as they are in the US. Almost everyone, by economic necessity, is a conservationist, but very few are environmentalists. There is little discussion about what I’ll call ‘aesthetic’ pollution issues– pollution only gets discussed in terms of dangerous water and air, but not the paper in the street or use/abuse of plastic. Perhaps ‘aesthetic’ pollution issues are a luxury we take for granted and is too low a priority in India, but if you think about the effort made to clean American cities in the last 10-15 years, it does make a significant quality of life improvement.

The cost of a gallon of gasoline is roughly $4/gallon – very roughly based on my metric and rupee conversions. In a country where the average national income is less than $1000/year, the cost is prohibitive. (I occasionally hear statistics in the US and think that can’t be true – how could the surveyors reasonably collected that information – you can multiply the skepticism by 1000 in India because I can only imagine the assumptions which must be necessary to get the statistics in that environment. The incomes could be much lower.) Conservation for all practical purposes is the result of a lack of affordable supply, where affordability would have to be roughly 1-2% of current world prices to be on scale with incomes and American consumption. I don’t have statistics on electricity, but at least one person, who was self-described as middle class, was spending 10% of his income on electricity and that was without AC or refrigeration. I’m not sure of my point, except that it expanded how I think of energy consumption and conservation from an environmental or long-term scarcity issue, to also being an indulgence.

In coming back to the US, I hear people also considering geopolitical concerns in relation to conservationism – and in reality because we all know American’s won’t lower their standard of living except in dire circumstances - conservationism really means development of more efficient sources of energy. Maybe eventually, the geo-politicians, the environmentalists and those who need greater efficiency out of economic necessity will create the necessary demand to combine and to find a solution.

Women’s Issues

I mentioned in an earlier posting that I would briefly discuss women’s issues. While laws are gradually changing to give women rights, they start from a place the US has never been and have a long way to go in practice. Eighty percent of marriages are still arranged and women go to live in their husbands’ parents’ homes. Particularly amongst the poor, they are considered a drain on household resources unless they produce male heirs. In weathlier areas, there is a disturbing trend that baby girl fetuses are being aborted because tests are available to determine the sex prior to the birth. In other areas, baby girls are either abandoned at a higher rate than boys or are just neglected – getting less food, education or necessary medical care.

Amongst the poorest people, men frequently consider it their right to hit or abuse their wives. Women hold the majority of household responsibilities and because their husbands suffer unemployment, they are also suppose to support the household. On farms they do an equal share of the farmwork, particularly if sons are sent to school.
Dowry’s are technically illegal, but still more common than not. Upon marriage, all but the jewels become the property of the husband. There are not uncommon rumors of suspicious deaths, when a woman has failed to have a male child and/or the husband wants to remarry to receive a new dowry.

In the more modern sections of the country, women have been hired by western companies and for the first time are becoming financially independent, but it comes at a price. Education and fiscal independence is usually seen as a quality which makes someone less attractive for an arranged marriage. Although I think we have an element of that here, its been banished to the subconscious and is certainly not politically correct to say out loud.

The law has recently been changed that women are allowed to set the fire of a relative’s cremation. This is important because the person who sets the fire inherits the entire estate. Prior to this women were not allowed to inherit property and subject to the charity of distant relatives in the event there were no immediate-family males.

There was a not-intended-to-be funny article in the newspaper about a woman who decided to buy a car for herself. I’d estimate that less than 1% of drivers on the road are women – maybe closer to .1%. She worked for a western company and her parents appreciated the income she brought in for the family, but they were adamantly against her buying a car even if she could afford it. “Who will marry you?” her mother told her, but she decided to do it anyway. She tried out several cars and made a decision and was set to go to pick up the car herself, but her girlfriend said, don’t you want to take someone with you. She thought about it and brought an acquaintance from work. After she signed all the papers and gave the cashier’s check to the salesman, he handed the keys to her friend and congratulated him. She was shocked into silence. They proceeded into the showroom where every salesman congratulated him. She obviously owned the car, but it’s a demonstration of how far they have to go.

I also want to say that as horrible as some of the things I've described sound, they are not always the case and probably the extremes (except maybe the car example). I don't want to present a judgemental picture and ask you to recognize that in the case of women's treatment, and any other criticisms I may have made of India, that for every criticism there are also amazing things in the culture and people which I've hopefully portrayed in other parts of my blog. And although I was only there for a few months, and recognize I didn't see everything, India is a combination of some very good and some very bad things that developed together through a very intricate and complicated history. Its impossible to quickly separate and fix only the less agreeable aspects.

Other Observations

Finally a few other less significant, but still interesting observations.

Like the US, India has 100 TV stations and nothing to watch. However, 24-hours a day, 75% of the channels run Bollywood movies. They never had English subtitles, but you can tell the plot. They’re all musicals, sometimes they have bright-colored traditional India clothing, sometimes they have bright-colored 50’s style poodle skirts and sometimes they’re wearing bright-colored modern clothing (also there is an occasional Michael Jackson Thriller-era style version). They’re all romances in line with Romeo and Juliet, Grease or West Side Story. You’d think all the romanticism of the forbidden love in the movies would lead to a social revolution against the caste system which is still very much a factor in arranging marriages.

Something to get use to is the boys and men literally hanging on each other in a completely platonic way. It’s actually very sweet to see that the men are comfortable with intimacy.

Very few people wear glasses. I assume its because they are not tested and not that genetically, the Indians have better vision than American. Although maybe there is an element of darwinism. Imagine the handicap of going through life with uncorrected bad vision.

Finally the hospitality is amazing. Every Indian I met wanted to make sure that I was ok and enjoying myself, that I liked India and they would wish that I would tell my family and friends what a nice place it was. I hope you have enjoyed my blog and that I have successfully fulfilled their wish.