Monsoon Wedding

The weekend of December 15th, was an auspicious time to get married according to the alignment of the planets and stars. By some accounts there were 36,000 weddings happening that weekend in Delhi, but the more realistic number is 4,000, which was still pretty incredible. Regardless, you could feel it in the air. Everyone was talking about the traffic and everyone was leaving their shops to go to parties. And the weddings consist of three to five parties traditionally taking place over multiple days. My favorite part was that the grooms traditionally ride a white horse or elephant to the brides’ families’ houses, so all over the city you'd see uncomfortable grooms riding through the street. The horses and the bands that accompany the groom as they leave and arrive were suppose to be booked 20 times a day and the you frequently saw them in the streets. As one of my friends said, "who knew, in India, Prince Charming really does ride up on a white horse."

I was fortunate enough to be invited to a wedding by my cousin's close friend, whose has made me feel both welcome and at home in Delhi. She brought me to three of five parties of her cousin's wedding -- which was an incredible experience and a good excuse to buy some fancy Indian clothes. The entrances to the house were drapped in strings of marigolds. The actual wedding party took place in a gigatic tent in the backyard of the family's house. The tent was white and periwinkle on the first night for the groom's school, house colors and then changed to more traditional reds and yellows for the next party. Each party had a full meal of Indian fare and was some of the best food that I've had here -- buffets with about 30 choices. I never thought I'd say that the smorg at a Jewish wedding could be outdone.

The dancing was a mix of modern and traditional Indian/Punjabi, which has the great arm and wrist movements and up and down sholders you see in Bollywood dancing. I'm sure I looked like a fool trying to fit in, but it was a blast. The best part of the decor was the women's dresses... sparkling sarees in every color and sequened dress suits and jewels that looked like they belonged in a museum. Also, the Singh family has more cousins than the Levine's (my mom's, mom's family), which is hard to believe. And they live literally all over the world, but still maintain their connection to family and India.

My favorite day was the third party -- still before the ceremony, and still separate from the bride's side (who were having their own parties!). This party had the most traditions. The groom's older, female relatives -- sisters, aunts, and cousins hold a large scarf over the groom for shade and sing as each one takes a turn dabbing him with oils and sandlewood paste to clean him and prepare him for his wedding day. Afterward they wave some money above his head to ward off the evil spirts which will obviously be attracted to beautified bride groom and then donate the money to charity. Today, it is a ceremonial cleaning and the women were having fun, while the groom sat, and if not enjoying the slathering, then enjoying the loving attention.

The other activities of the party included the women getting mendi , or henna painted on their hands and arms and a table where the women received bangle bracelets as a party gift. I missed the actual ceremony when I got a bad case of Delhi belly (from a swanky, western coffee house, of all places), but I'm sure it was as beautiful and I send my best wishes and prayers to the newlyweds.

Beyond the festivities, I'll say that my hosts, and I include the entire family, were very gracious to let me join in their festivities and I wish that they know how much I appreciated kindness.

A great volunteer experience

As many of you know, I decided before I left to volunteer for a few weeks during my stay in India. I worked with a group called Cross Cultural Solutions which organizes volunteer placements all over the world and arranges room and board in the country. I wanted to do this not because I was necessarily being altruistic, but because I thought volunteering would allow me to not be a tourist and to be settled for a few weeks in one place.

Program was excellent and really exceeded my expectations. There were about 10 volunteers at the same time as me, working in all different types of placements -- old age homes, nurseries, other schools or at health professionals. We arrived in Delhi and received a brief tour and our organizers took us shopping for kurta’s and dupetta’s, appropriately long and modest shirts and scarfs to where at our placements. Anything which could make us seem more familiar to the host organization makes it easier to be accepted and to be able to become part of the culture more easily -- so although I don't think I'd wear the clothes at home, it was the right decision.

The program organizers also gave us a great introduction on places to go and how not to get ripped off by the auto rickshaw drivers, although all the volunteers still were charged a premium, but it was more like 25% instead of the 3-4x that the drivers usually ask from the tourists. They also organized speakers for us – professors in economics, history, a women’s studies expert and a tour of the national art museum by the ex-director. Collectively, the education gave me an amazing perspective and many of the facts and opinions I mention come from them. The housing was as promised -- upper middle class apartments with hot water and electricity most of the time.

My Placement

I worked at the Hope Project School. Two days before I arrived the business development project fell through because the women in the program received a big Christmas order for their crafts and had to postpone the training until January. Instead, I was assigned to the school to teach English in the same Basti, or slum, which turned out to be a great experience for me.

The school is not public, but it is financed by a charity – the Hope Project, so its not the same as a private school. It is located in a basti, or a slum area, and provides school, medical services, education, life improving/self-sustaining skills activities, such as business development. (more about the situation of women later).

I’m not sure exactly how to describe the school because by western standards the school would fall short. While better than many schools my co-volunteers were working, with classrooms, blackboards and old, un-networked computers in almost every room, supplies are still very limited. Students don’t have text books. They use one notebook for all subjects. There are no worksheets or any printed material to work from, aside from what they copy from the blackboard or a few picture books. The school had no copier, scanner, even, paper, tape or staplers -- things we all take for granted, but really are important learning aids, were scarce or rationed. Even chalk was kept locked away. That said, and despite the physical shortfalls, there was an incredible amount of dignity and sense of opportunity held by the students and the teachers. At the same time it was blended with a sense of realism about the challenges and potential economic and social boundaries of their lives.

The girls and young women I worked with are wonderful and warm. I think I benefited far more from our experiences together than they from me. I worked with four classes, roughly 7-8 yrs, 9-10 yrs, 11-13 yrs, and 14-18 yrs, with overlap depending on the level. They were all girls except for the youngest class which were mixed boys and girls, before the girls were in "seclusion". Also, the boys were typically sent to school because their parents thought it was a priority. The population I worked with was majority Muslim. More than anything they crave attention. It was a welcome change from the kids on the street who see tourists and beg for money. They called me "Didi" which mean’s "older sister." It is not respectful to call an elder by their name. One of my favorite things, for reasons I don’t understand, the same class didn’t take place in the same room everyday. So frequently, I’d be in the wrong place and one of the students would find me and take my hand and protectively say, "come, Didi."

With the younger kids I worked on their ABC's and even taught a few songs -- their favorite was "head, shoulders, knees and toes" -- which by the end of my three weeks, they would begin singing and doing the hand motions for when they saw me in the hallways. The older girls asked me questions about NY and my family. Mostly, I worked on verbal skills with them because they know more grammar than they practice speaking. Their English is fairly basic, so we were a little limited in what we could cover. Big topics included movies, cricket players, that my building really had 20 floors and it wasn't considered a tall building, why my parents hadn't arranged my marriage yet, my education and work, etc. I was surprised and impressed when I asked them what they wanted to be when they grew up and they answered, teachers, doctors, lawyers, pilots, nurses, reporters, and one girl wanted to be Miss India.

I considered whether I wanted to tell them I was Jewish, but decided it would be ok (and I wouldn't have to talk about Christmas all month). They had heard of Jews, but knew nothing about the religion and they knew nothing of the tensions between the Muslims and Jews in the Middle East. Like other Indians I met, they were very accepting of other religions. I’ve thought a lot about why religious differences are such a big problem in other parts of the world and seem to be a non-issue here. My theory is that because the Hindu’s have 6 million gods and they are not threatened by the god(s) of other religions. This carries over to the other religions since they are such minorities. Also the Seiks are very welcoming to all other religions. For the most part none of the religions proselytize except for the missionaries. That was the only group about which I heard anything negative. The tension is because some say the Christians missionaries have sometimes paid people to convert by buying them land or giving money to the most poor to convert. But they are as open to Christianity as a religion as to the other religions.

At one point, I mentioned to the head of the school that I knew Excel well. I ended up training the head of the school, the office administrator and had some good conversations about Excel with the computer skills teacher. Also, (and the Schick people will get a kick out of this), I ended up restructuring the database that they keep in Excel to make it easier to use.

One of the hardest points for me was when there was a fire in the basti and many, many homes were burned to the ground. The school became a central point for distribution of blankets, used clothing, and utensils so they could cook -- because people had lost literally everything except the clothes they were wearing. Very few, if any have bank accounts, insurance is non-existent and frequently the entire extended family lives under one roof, so they couldn't necessarily move in with another family member. In the days after the fire, women and children were coming to the school in soot covered clothes. They looked exhausted and shocked, but at the same time not as paralyzed as I would be. Maybe groups who face total loss together are more resilient. Maybe they've seen other people lose everything in their lives and consider it as a greater possibility than I do. I don’t know how or why, but some of the students whose families lost houses were in school and somewhat functioning. So at the same time when I look at the school and see that they don't have many of things that are so familiar I don't even notice them at home, they are stronger and more capable in ways I hope never to have to experience.

On a positive note, the director of the school who was super –high powered woman and a motivational force for the girls, used the opportunity to bring more students to the school, by telling their parents that if their kids couldn’t be at home, they could come to the school and receive free lunch. It was not uncommon for families to resist sending their daughters to school. An education was thought by some to make the daughters less marriagable.

A highlights of the program for me was being adopted by one of the older girls doing an independent study in English. We worked on her conversational English and she answered some basic questions for me about her life and the basti. She wants to be a nurse, but is not sure how to pay the tuition or if her father will allow it. Lunch time was another of my favorite times too. During the first week, I was more or less out of place and didn't know where to go, but eventually, both the students and the teachers began to invite me to sit with them. I was told by my program organizers not to take any food they offered because "my American stomach is sensitive", but it looked good and it was important for me that they knew I accepted their hospitality. The girls especially liked giggling at me, when they gave me something spicy to eat. Also, I told one of the girls I liked her henna painted on her hands and the next lunch, they stopped me and told me they had all the materials to paint henna on my hands. They did a great job and I got compliments on it from everyone -- especially the Indians, who asked where I got it done.

Finally, I'd like to say a word about the teachers. At first they didn't know exactly who I was or why I was there, but eventually they opened up. They work really hard in conditions that can be challenging. Most had been there for several years and were committed to the school and the children. Depending on their level of English, I was able to and enjoyed speaking with them. They also had lots of questions for me, sometimes through a translator, but I think even though they were educated and lived outside the slum, life in NY is about as foreign to them as Delhi was to me before I saw it. Unlike the girls, they know not everything they see on TV is not true, but there are definitely images they have about wealth, big cars and skyscrapers that they assume are true for the entire US. The differences aside, we had much in common too and I really appreciate the time they took to share with me and hope I was able to add to their classes and knowledge about the US.

The contradictions of India

I’ve been in India now for just about three weeks and have been struggling with how to describe it, except as enormous - with 1.2 billion people. The most accurate thing I can say is that for any generalization I want to make, the opposite can also be proven. A few truisms -- many things do not make sense, a lot of patience is required, getting things done is complicated, and the food is excellent. My apologies in advance for not being able to summarize my experiences better and rambling on and on.

I spent the first two weeks traveling to several of the major cities in northern India in two states – Rajistan, the land of princes, and Uttar Pardesh, home of the Taj Mahal. In Rajistan, the cities are all former princely states. We visited Udaipur and Jaipur. They have beautiful castles and forts, and princes who still reside there, albeit without any authority. The princes reigned through the British rule in 1947. Rather than dismantle the feudal system, the British ruled by reaching mutually beneficial agreements with those in power. The land which use to belong to the princes has theoretically been divided up since the British partition, but by some accounts it wasn’t done completely equitably.

Then we went to Agra to see the Taj Mahal. Pictures do not do it justice, so you’ll all just have to take my word for it and come to India to check it out. Twenty-thousand people worked on building it for 22 years. The Taj Mahal is a mausoleum built by the Mughul ruler, Shah Jahan for his favorite wife, Mumtaz Mahal, his “Jewel of the Palace”. Since 80% of India's population has arranged marriages, they love telling its a love story. It's interesting also, that despite the fact that the Taj was built by the Mughal, Muslim invaders, that the Hindu's embrace it as their own national treasure. It's part of the complicated "get along, but don't always get along" relationship and interdepence between the different religions in the country.

We continued on what was supposed to be a smooth trip from Agra to Khajuraho, but I’ll talk more about transportation later on. Khajuraho is home to a sect of Hindu’s who are famed for developing the Kama Sutra. Many of the Hindu temples in the country have explicit sculptures carved on the outside in order to allow the worshippers to free their minds of earthly pleasures before they went to pray. I'll just say that the temples leave little for the people to imagine once they go inside. If there is an opposite to a synagogue – this is it.

We finished up in Veranasi – the holy city. If you are Hindu, you want to be cremated and have your ashes thrown into the Ganges River at Veranasi. It is one of India’s oldest cities and a place where many Indians make pilgrimages. We went to see the sunset pray at the Ganges. It was so out there that you’d think it was just being done for the tourists, but the majority of people who were watching were Indians. They go through several rituals with fire and smoke and chanting every night and then put the fire out and put floating candles on the river to put the river to sleep. In the morning, people go to the steps by the river’s edge and take a bath in this water. I had a hard time fully appreciating the ritual beauty because I couldn’t really get past the bacteria count, but for the truly spiritual Hindu’s, their aspiration is to be able to take the plunge. (I wanted a hazmat suit.)

In addition to the site seeing, learning about India from the people we met and driving through the countryside was eye-opening. Every day was an assault on my senses, exhausting, exaserbating and wonderful. The sarees are like a rainbow walking down the street, even when you were in the poorest areas the streets are bright. The aromas of spices in the open air market, mixing with the cow dung patties which were being dried for fuel (although hopefully not mixing in the physical sense). The cheerful Bollywood music and the blaring horns. The crowded, bustling streets and the layer of dirt which coats you every night no matter what you did that day. Finally, the spicy, spicy food -- Yum!

Aside from the common thread of everyday sensor overload, I sometimes felt like I woke up in a different place – ok, I was waking up in a different place almost every day – but I mean that the things I saw and talked about didn't seem like they could be one country.

When I read about India in the newspaper at home, it was either about economic growth or poverty -or the traditional spiritual yoggies avoiding materialism (I still haven't really seen any of the later, but I'm still searching). Only 20% of India’s population lives in the city – and there’s really no suburb – the other 80% live in villages. If you think about the economic growth India has achieved and realize that 80% of the population has more or less not yet participated in the effort or achievement, and that an increasing number of them will continue to become educated and participate in the future, the potential is tremendous, but the challenges are also immense.

I have gained an appreciation for infrastructure that we take for granted in a western country – transportation, clean water, education, and electricity, garbage collection, etc. To me the country has the feel of a start up company – where everything seems urgent, but you have to prioritize and put resources in the few important things which will enable long term growth -- but here the scale is tremendous and the things which don't get resources can literally affect whether a person lives. For all of its problems though, I heard people talk about the efforts in one or all of those things mentioned above.

I traveled between six different cities – if you count Delhi. We flew between several of the cities, but then drove from Jaipur to Agra and Agra to Khajuraho. The drives were an experience. Most of the highways were only two lanes, with no divider and only sometimes with a painted line. The speed limit on the highway was about 60-70 km/hr for cars and slower for trucks, motorcycles and scooters. There were also bicycles, people walking on the side and lots of animals – especially cows. (The picture is from the window of our car as we passed.)

Cows are sacred – so they are only used for milk and not eaten. People milk their cows in the morning and then let them out to graze until they come home at night to be milked again. The result is that there are literally cows wondering in fields, on highways and in the city streets. If you hit a cow on the road, you’re liable to pay the owner, the police are called – and it’s not good for your karma or your car if you kill a sacred animal, so traffic generally slows down when there are cows around. For anyone else crossing the street can be a life threatening experience -- not that being in the car is so much safer. (I've also seen camels, horses and elephants on the roads, but usually have have riders.)

There was one point where we drove for 3.5 hours after dark on a one-lane, bi-directional highway with no street lights. Right of way seems to go to the bigger vehicle. We were in a car, so we pulled over for trucks and buses, and motorcycles, scooters, bicycles, and walking people got out of our way. Most animals respond to the horn, which is used incessantly – and encouraged by “Please Use Horn” painted on the back of trucks. Remember there are different speed limits for different types of vehicles so even on the two lane roads there is a constant need to pass. On the one-lane, bi-directional road it was insane. The cars regularly come so close to each other that at least 50% of cars are sold without a passenger side, side-view mirror – and most of the others keep it folded in. One of my co-travellers kept unfolding the mirror and the driver would put it back in whenever we stopped. Surprisingly there is no road rage and not too many accidents.

The good news was that at several points we were on roads that were being widened to 4 or 6 lane highways – with dividers or at least painted lanes between the two directions. When we asked our driver if they would allow cows on the new highways, he said, “of course”, but in the more developed areas, they seem to keep the cows off the road. Whenever we were on one of these soon to be completed highways, it was a cause for excitement and pride by our drivers and guides.

Driving through the country side, it was mostly driving through farmland, but it didn’t look like Arkansas or Oklahoma. Most of the land seems to be small, animal plowed, plots separated by stone fences and we were told, owned by individual families. There was no mechanical irrigation at all. In a few cases we saw wells which had buckets of water being pulled up by animal labor, but in general it seemed like any watering that was done was done manually with hand held – or more likely “head-balanced” pots of water. It was an impressive to see, but I kept thinking that a little technology could go a long way to improve the lives of these people. (I was subsequently told that up north and in the south that there was more irrigation.)

Even with the primative farming technology, India has also become a food exporter in the last decade or so. I was told the country produces enough food for all its citizens, but that not all the citizens can afford to buy it. The government buys some of the surplus and sells it at a loss through a food stamps/welfare type program. Its another example of having to prioritize how resources are used, but its very hard to see people living in tent cities and looking under nourished, and know that the food is available, but too costly or not able to be transported.

At the same time, I’ve been discouraged by every guide and Indian local from giving money to anyone begging in the street. First of all, it’s illegal to give a beggar money. Second, especially in the cities, its been described to me as “organized crime”. The people begging basically have pimps that they beg for and owe a large portion of their earnings. I'm told, if you watch carefully, you’ll see different people using the same undernourished baby as a prop – and that the baby is deliberately not fed enough. One guide told how a tourist handed a 500R note (app. $12) to a man on crutches, whose legs were wrapped in bandages. The guide opened the door to take the money back and the man dropped the crutches and ran away. We’ve also been told that the government has offered housing and job training to get these people off the street but to no avail. Scams aside, 30% of the people – mostly in the countryside - live in poverty, with poverty described as unable to afford to eat 2200 calories a day. That’s more than the population of the US.

Electricity is used very sparingly. I think the country simply cannot produce enough. I don’t know how expensive it is, or if there are controlled limits that buildings can have. Often when driving through villages at night we’d see dark houses or one light on in the entire house. And even in the cities, the electricity flickers more or less every day. When I think about my apartment in NY and how often I leave my computer or AC on or forget to turn out the lights when I leave my apartment – or use lights during the day, because I prefer it. I haven’t found any statistics about it yet, but I am sure a large percentage of the people living in the country live with out any refrigeration. Only 30% of the population has "sanitation" (toilets), which is incredible to imagine. The temperture tops 40 C and next to nobody has AC. Its hard to imagine the growth of energy demand that will happen as the country develops further.

Education is one of the largest areas of progress, but there is still a long way to go. Whenever we met someone along the way and asked about there education, it seemed like the younger they were the more years of education they had. I think that the basic, public education in most areas is 8 years now, but may depend on which state someone lived it. Fifteen years ago, it was about 5 and these people's father's only had three years of school. However, although it’s improving, everyone also said the only way to learn English and get a good job was to go to a private school. My favorite driver (the one from Agra) was teaching himself English – and was pretty good – but at 22, he thought it was too late for him to go university and get a good job. He was hoping to save enough money for his daughter to go to a private school.

One last thought which I know is a complete digression from what I've already written. I've been thinking about the comparison between China and India and their respective development of infrastructure and the difference caused by big-state-owned communist infrastructure verse democratically influenced prioritization. Does the decision to address or not address overpopulation affect their long-term development? India has a legal structure which may provide better intellectual property protection, but both face corruption as their economies grow. Is there a difference in the level to which you can prioritize transportation/all infrastructure over eradicating poverty in a dictatorship verse an open economy with different lobbying groups. At some point, do the challenges of privatizing state owned businesses, the challenge of introducing capitalism, and the potential for corruption slow development relative to a country which has democracy and capitalism, but lacks basic infrastructure. How will these factors influence their pace of development -- and what impact will it have as they become the world economic giants.

I'm now in the midst of my three week volunteer program in Delhi and loving being in the city. I hope you are doing well and am looking forward to hearing from you all.